Not All Money Is Equal: True Sharing, Reciprocity and the Energy Behind What We Give

One of my favourite lessons to teach is the spiritual principle of true sharing.

Because if you truly understand this principle—not only intellectually, but in how you live, give, receive and conduct your relationships—it can change your experience of reality in the most profound way.

When I started applying this principle more consciously, I began earning more money.

But something else also changed.

The type of money coming to me changed.

Because not all money is equal.

Not All Money Creates the Same Experience

Imagine that you own an apartment and have a tenant paying you R10,000 a month.

This tenant pays on time, communicates with you, takes care of the property and treats the space with respect.

Now imagine another tenant who pays the exact same R10,000 but smokes inside, never cleans the bathroom, damages your floors and generally treats the property as though it has no value.

It is technically the same amount of money.

But it does not yield the same experience.

One R10,000 comes with respect, peace and care.

The other R10,000 comes with frustration, damage and additional costs.

This is why money cannot be separated from the energy, intention and experience attached to it.

It is also why giving cannot be measured only by what is physically handed over.

You have to look at the consciousness behind what is being given.

The Shower Geyser That My Soul Had Already Warned Me About

A few weeks ago, my landlord wanted to change the geyser in my apartment.

My cottage is connected to the main geyser in the house, but he wanted to install one of those smaller geysers that attaches directly to the shower.

This would mean that every time I adjusted the water pressure, the temperature would change.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I love a hot shower.

It was also winter, and I absolutely hate winter.

When my landlord first suggested the idea, I immediately experienced a sinking feeling in my solar plexus.

My body was telling me:

Uh-uh. I do not think this is going to go well.

I know my intuition, I know the way that my soul communicates with me, and I already knew that the plan was not going to produce the result he imagined.

However, I was the tenant and not the landlord. He was committed to the idea and did not particularly want to hear what I had to say, so I allowed the situation to play out.

Sometimes you know something intuitively, but the people around you are not yet in a space to hear you.

The first time the installers arrived, they were two hours late.

They then spent three hours at the property before realising that they did not have the correct tools to complete the job.

That was the first piece of physical evidence that this was not going to work smoothly.

When they returned, what was supposed to be a one-hour installation took another three hours.

It was incredibly difficult for me to watch, because my intuition had already told me what was happening.

But sometimes another person needs to have their own experience. You cannot force someone to accept guidance they are unwilling to receive.

Eventually, the geyser was installed.

When I tested the shower, the water was barely lukewarm.

To get anything close to the temperature I enjoy, I had to reduce the water pressure until I was standing under a tiny trickle.

I was now being asked to choose between having an actual shower and having hot water.

That was when I used my voice.

Telling the Truth Can Be an Act of Giving

I told my landlord, in no uncertain terms, that the rent I was paying—and had consistently paid—was not equal to the experience I was now receiving in the property.

I also told him truthfully that the situation had made me no longer want to live there.

That may sound unpleasant.

It was certainly not what he wanted to hear.

But it was true.

I was not threatening him. I was not manipulating him or attempting to create drama. I was genuinely willing to leave if the situation could not be resolved.

There is an important difference between using the truth to control someone and communicating the truth because you respect yourself, the other person and the reality of the situation.

Had I said, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” when it was clearly not okay, I would not have been giving my landlord kindness.

I would have been people-pleasing.

I would have been protecting myself and him from temporary discomfort so that I did not have to confront the discomfort of expressing myself.

That is not true sharing.

The following day, my landlord resolved the issue.

Since then, the main geyser has been kept on more consistently, and I have had a better experience of hot water than I had before the entire incident.

The truth did not destroy the relationship.

The truth corrected the imbalance.

What Was Actually Being Given?

A major motivation behind installing the smaller geyser was that my landlord wanted to save money.

He did not want to keep the main geyser in the house running, and installing a geyser inside my cottage would mean that I carried the electricity cost directly.

There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to save money.

The problem was that the decision had been framed as though it was being made for my independence and benefit, while my actual needs had not been considered.

Nobody had asked:

What does Taryn need from the shower?

What is important to her as the person living in the space?

What contributes to her comfort?

Would this geyser provide a reliable flow of genuinely hot water?

He had thought about the physical object being installed, but not about the experience the object needed to create for the person receiving it.

When I challenged the decision, his first response was frustration because he had already spent money installing it and would now have to spend more money changing it.

That revealed that there were other intentions beneath the apparent act of giving.

The installation was not a pure act of generosity. It mainly served his desire to reduce his expenses.

Again, saving money does not make him a bad person.

But when we call something “giving,” we must be honest about who it is actually designed to serve.

True Sharing Is Not Giving to Get

True sharing means giving because you genuinely desire to contribute, serve or create something beneficial.

It is not:

• Giving so that someone will owe you., otherwise known as giving to get.

• Giving so that you can be seen as generous.

• Giving to avoid rejection.

• Giving to keep another person temporarily happy.

• Giving because you are frightened of communicating a boundary.

• Giving something another person never asked for, while ignoring what they genuinely need.

• Giving more than you can sustainably give and then resenting the recipient.

  
  

This is where many people become confused.

They believe that self-sacrifice is the highest form of giving.

It is not.

You can give someone everything they ask for and still not be operating from true sharing.

You may be giving from fear.

You may be giving to secure love.

You may be giving because you want to be chosen.

You may be giving because saying no would force you to experience someone else’s disappointment.

The physical act may look generous, but the consciousness beneath it is transactional.

There is an unspoken energetic agreement:

I will give you this, and in exchange you must approve of me, remain close to me, choose me or protect me from discomfort.

That is giving to get.

The Law of Reciprocity

In social psychology, reciprocity describes our tendency to respond to what we receive from others. When somebody offers assistance, kindness or value, we often feel an impulse or obligation to return something of value. Robert Cialdini describes reciprocity as one of the fundamental principles of human influence.

However, spiritual reciprocity is not simply:

I gave you something, so now you must give me something back.

That is a transaction.

True reciprocity is an exchange in which giving and receiving can circulate without coercion, manipulation or hidden resentment.

Sometimes the person to whom you give will return something directly.

Sometimes what you give will return to you through another person, opportunity or experience.

And sometimes the act of giving itself creates expansion within you.

But when you give merely to manufacture a return, the energy is no longer clean.

You are not freely sharing. You are trying to control the route through which you receive.

This is why subconscious intention matters.

You may consciously tell yourself that you are helping someone while subconsciously hoping that your help will make them love you, choose you, praise you or remain dependent on you.

The other person may never hear the unspoken demand, but they can often feel it.

People-Pleasing Is Not True Giving

People-pleasing is often mistaken by the mind for kindness. In fact, this is how many people-pleasers justify this behaviour to themselves subconsciously.

It may look like:

“I don’t want to upset them.”

“I know they are struggling.”

“I will just let this go.”

“I don’t want to appear difficult.”

But true consideration includes the long-term effect of what you are doing.

When you pretend that something is acceptable when it is not, you deny the other person access to the truth.

You also create a relationship in which they are responding to a false version of you.

That is not intimacy.

That is not integrity.

And it is not true sharing.

In my situation with my landlord, pretending to be happy with the shower would have allowed him to believe that the installation had worked.

He may then have installed the same system elsewhere.

I would have become increasingly frustrated, and resentment would have grown beneath the surface.

By communicating the truth, I gave him accurate information.

I also gave him the opportunity to correct the problem.

True giving will not always feel pleasant to the recipient in the moment.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can share is information another person does not want to hear.

Kabbalah and the Desire to Share

Within Kabbalistic teaching, the Creator is often described through the quality of endless sharing and bestowal.

Human beings, however, contain both a desire to receive and a capacity to transform that desire into a desire to receive for the sake of sharing.

This does not require us to reject receiving.

Receiving is necessary.

A vessel must receive before it can hold and share Light.

The spiritual work is in examining what we want to receive, why we want to receive it and what we will create through receiving it.

Do I want money only so that I can feel more important than another person?

Or do I want money because it allows me to live well, create, employ people, support others and share more of my work?

Do I want love so that another person can fill a space I refuse to meet within myself?

Or do I want love because I desire to build, contribute, grow and experience greater intimacy?

The desire itself is not the enemy.

The transformation of the desire is the work.

Kabbalistic teachings also describe the concept sometimes called the Bread of Shame: receiving fulfilment without participating in the effort or transformation required to hold it. The teaching is not that people must suffer before they are worthy of receiving. Rather, it points towards the dignity and expansion that come when a person becomes an active participant in receiving and creating their fulfilment.

This is also why helping someone is not always the same as doing everything for them.

Giving someone something they have no capacity to receive, use or value may not serve their transformation.

True sharing asks:

What will genuinely support this person?

What can they receive?

What allows them to remain connected to their own power?

Am I helping them expand, or am I helping them avoid the work that belongs to them?

Giving Is More Than Handing Over Possessions

Kahlil Gibran wrote:

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”

His words point to the difference between handing over an object and sharing something of your actual being.

You may give somebody money without giving them thought, attention or consideration.

You may buy an expensive gift that has nothing to do with the recipient’s desires because the gift is really designed to demonstrate your own wealth or generosity.

You may give advice without listening.

You may offer help that keeps another person dependent on you.

Meanwhile, something materially simple may contain enormous sharing because it considers the person receiving it.

A sincere conversation.

A carefully chosen meal.

An honest boundary.

A service created in response to what people have genuinely requested.

The value does not exist only in the object.

It exists in the consciousness travelling through it.

Rumi’s work repeatedly returns to the movement of Divine love through the human being. Rather than forcing a questionable internet quote into this teaching, I would express that principle this way:

When giving is connected to the Soul, it does not diminish you. It allows something greater to move through you.

True Sharing in Business

This principle is exceptionally important in business.

A business exists through reciprocity.

You create value.

A client receives that value.

The client gives money in exchange.

You then use that money to support yourself, improve your work and continue serving.

There is nothing unspiritual about this exchange.

The imbalance begins when either party stops honouring the value involved.

A business owner may overcharge while providing poor service.

A client may expect endless access while refusing to respect the practitioner’s time.

A practitioner may chronically undercharge, become exhausted and eventually resent the very people they claim to serve.

Undercharging is not always generous.

Sometimes it is people-pleasing disguised as service.

Sometimes it is fear of being seen.

Sometimes it is an attempt to purchase approval by making yourself exceptionally accessible.

And when resentment enters your giving, it affects what you are capable of delivering.

This is something I have had to consider within my own work.

Several clients have approached me asking whether I provide shorter readings or something at a more affordable rate.

I have listened to that request.

However, I also know that I am not prepared to undervalue what I offer.

If I reduce my rate to a level that causes resentment within me, I will not be in the correct energy or frequency to serve my clients properly.

That would not be true sharing.

It would look generous externally while creating an energetic imbalance internally.

Instead, I asked:

What are people genuinely requesting?

What can I sustainably offer?

What structure allows me to serve them properly while remaining in integrity with the value of my work?

From that consideration, I have created a new offering.

Introducing My 20-Minute Video Reading

You may now book a private 20-minute recorded video reading focused on one particular area of your life.

You may submit up to three questions relating to that area.

I will connect to your energy, record your reading privately and send the video directly to you.

South African clients: R500

International clients: $50

This is initially being offered as a test run. Whether it becomes a permanent part of my work will depend on the response.

This offering is not coming from an energy of reducing the value of what I do.

It has been created by listening to what clients have asked for while also honouring the conditions that allow me to serve properly.

That is reciprocity.

Their needs are considered.

My needs are considered.

The value of the work is considered.

And the exchange can remain clean.

If you are interested in this offer please email me at taryn@tarynnightingale.com or click this link to schedule a reading.

Questions to Ask Before You Give

The next time you are about to do something for another person, pause and ask yourself:

What does this person genuinely need?

Have I asked them, or have I assumed?

Am I considering their experience or only my own intention?

What am I secretly hoping to receive in return?

Would I still choose to give this if they did not praise me, choose me or return the favour?

Am I giving freely, or am I afraid to say no?

Can I offer this without resentment?

Will what I am giving support the other person’s growth, or will it keep them dependent on me?

Does this exchange respect both of us?

You do not need to shame yourself when you discover a selfish intention.

We are human beings. We all contain desires, needs and expectations.

The work is to become honest about them.

Because once you can see the intention beneath your giving, you can transform it.

You can stop using kindness to avoid your truth.

You can stop using overgiving to secure love.

You can stop accepting exchanges that diminish you.

And you can begin giving from a place of genuine fullness, service and consideration.

That is true sharing.